User blog:Lele Mj/2011 has ended...

Warning: This blog will be very emotional. Read it full if you want, if you don`t, just jump to the last two sentences. I just really felt that I had to say this to you guys.

2011 has ended. This year, to minimize the situation, was absolutely crazy for me. I spent the whole year preparing myself for our move to Rio, trying to get in a great school, which could be a turning point to either succeed in my life or be a complete failure. I entered this year still coping with the effects of the tumor in my body and the emotional complications of chemo, which added up to an absolutely shattered self esteem and zero confidence. To make the situation even better, around April-May, I started to fall for one of my friends, and started to actually consider the possibility that I was bisexual. However, around the same time, I made a decision that seemed very small, but that would later prove itself as incredibly important. I joined this wiki.

I still remember that day very clearly. I was checking the Community Wiki's blogs to check if there was something new, and I saw the blog about chat. I saw that chat would be active only in a few wikis as beta testing, and among these wikis was some Camp Half-Blood Roleplay Wiki. At the time, I was already a huge fan of the PJO series, so I thought it would be cool to check it out. I read about it and decided to make a character, just to see how it would be. Made my claim, posted, then jumped in the car to go to Rio. In the first opportunity, I checked my claim, and it was approved. Made the page, chose some crappy picture, and paid little attention to it for a couple of weeks.

One day, I decided to take it seriously and improved the page, chose a better picture and started roleplaying. I immediately fell in love with all that. Got my character a date with the character of a new user (remember, comic?) and started to be more active. Around that time I first entered chat. Little did I know how much would that wiki change me, or how much would that community grow in me. When the dance came, I already spent most of my time here, talking to you guys and roleplaying.

With time, this wiki grew, as you guys know so well. And I made friends. Real friends, not that school friendship, shallow and weak. You guys were and still are the only persons that truly know me, that know the real Leonor, not just my school persona, or the person I show to my friends, pretending to be how I really am. Not the person I show to my parents, or my familiars. You guys know me. You were the only ones who tried to make me feel better when I was down, the only ones who ever said that my mother was wrong (the ones involved know what I`m talking about), the only ones that ever took me seriously when I talked about killing myself. When I couldn`t deny my sexuality anymore, you guys were the ones who helped me, who made me realize I could still live my life with that. You (this is more specific, to certain two bi users that I`ll always look up to) were the oneswho explained me what was this, why I felt the way I felt and how should I deal with it. You guys are still the only ones who know about this.

And now, 2011 has ended, proving itself to be one of the hardest years since the year chemo ended. But it was also the year when I met the most wonderful group of human beings ever. When we were having chat problems and everyone talked about how the community was crumbling, I saw the problems, the fights, but for me, the community never got close to crumbling. Every day, when I opened chat, I knew II was among friends, and that no mater how many assholes were there as well, I always felt better just by entering this wiki. I am not lying or exaggerating when I say you guys are the best friends I ever had. Because you are. And I can never, EVER thank you enough for all the support you gave me, all the friendship I found here, all the advice, the jokes, the fun, the seriousness, the work, everything that made my day a little brighter. I don`t care if this is stupid, or if I`m just fooling myself, but you guys changed me. I`m sorry for I the times I acted like a brat, all the times I was rude or insensitive, or anything else bad that I did.

I really care about you guys, thank you so much for being here and tolerating my presence. I will never be able to make it up enough for that.

Happy New Year, and may this wiki last much longer!