User blog:Bird of Winter/Hard to explain

I don't exactly know how to put this simply. It's a feeling of confusion, stress, angst, impatience, longing, and wanting all rolled into one. Maybe a few other feelings as well, but I can't put a finger on them.

The thing is, my life has recently (well not really, but it's just sunk in) become quite hectic. I've just returned to school as a senior, and I have a group of junior students I have to look after for a year. I've started one of my HSC subjects (which is a big thing), and I got shitey teachers, so I'll have to put in a ton of effort this year to get acceptable marks. On top of all this, I'm finally noticing the touches my mother has put around our home to signify her attachment to her current partner. The said partner sickens me; the fact that they're not part of our family, that my parents split up in the first place and now my mum's with her. It's just a horrid cycle in my head, and I've become hugely tempermental because of it. This hasn't reflected well for my life, and I seem to be constantly angering everyone around me.

I'm entirely unhappy with my current state, and I always look to the wiki for refuge. But part of me pushes away from the wiki, for some unknown reason, and more and more often I'm refusing the comfort of the wiki for solitude.Perhaps I am punishing myself, taking away one of the few things that doesn't hate me, the one haven in my busy life.

However, I can't seem to stop.

I guess I'm writing this because I'll most likely be less active. There may be a point where I will go an entire month without making an edit (I hope not). I'm going to try my hardest to stay active, what with a quest going on and so many character ideas. But the "less activeness" has already started, as I guess some people have noticed.

I just thought people should know that's what happening :/

06:45, February 3, 2014 (UTC)