User blog:Azrael the Sorrowful/Well, I never thought I'd be one of the people making one of these...

(I'm sorry if it's long. I didn't intend for it to be, it just kind of ended up that way.)

Well, it's become apparent that I'm no longer welcome here in the capacity of which I want to stay. I recently made the decision to stop rping and simply keep on with my admin duties and hanging out with everyone in the chat. I love the community here and I really just want to be able to stay, continue doing my job as an admin and not be required to rp but apparently that's not an option. I've always found rping the 'day-to-day' normality kind of boring but stuck it out because I like Greek myth and the little bit I knew about the PJO series regarding the myths. Eventually, it got old for me and most of my characters came to a standstill with rping.

I continued on like that and eventually got permission to do something that was really interesting to me, the Emissary. Things like that, full of mystery and illusion, are what I love to rp about, however, it seems that not many others liked the Emissary or anything related to him. I didn't notice this until it was pretty much too late. I had already done a lot of things with the Emissary that I didn't see any fault in that others were resenting me for. I wish I had noticed sooner, maybe I could have salvaged this before everything but it's not worth dwelling on. Anyway, after finishing the Emissary, I wanted to continue it but have it be more out in the open. Rather than having the purpose behind the actions masked, I wanted him to be fighting for a direct cause. Well, needless to say, not many others like that idea. I tried to find a compromise but every time I thought I had I came in to see people mocking me for wanting to rp in my own way. More and more I felt people resenting me; not wanting me here anymore.

I eventually abandoned that because it was clear I wouldn't be able to be allowed to do it, at least not to the way I envisioned it. I don't know about any of you guys, but when you envision something one way and really love it, and then aren't able to have it meet up to that, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore; maybe that's just me, I don't know. So, from there, that is where I realized I didn't want to rp anymore. It was nothing personally, it wan't out of spite or because of anyone at all. I just didn't seem to have the desire to rp anymore. I honestly thought t wasn't that big of a deal. I figured I could continue to hang out with everyone on chat, do my admin duties, though I haven't been able to do much lately, and just continue to remain on the wiki.

Well, today I was contacted by someone saying that I couldn't continue to not rp and remain here as an admin. I still don't really see why not but regardless, that's what happened. After talking for a while, I decided to get on the chat, which wasn't working, so I continued to the Chatango. I was saddened to see people talking behind my back and insulting me. All these people I considered my friends so seeing this just hurt me. I had come on to say that I was going to make a vote and the users(or just admins; not sure what the vote would be) could decide if they wanted me to remain an admin or not but I didn't see the point from then on.

So, I decided to just step down and save the time of the vote, which I'm sure would have ended up the same way, and then make this blog and explain everything. This really sucks, you know. I don't want to leave at all, but I also have no desire to rp anymore but there seems to be no other choice, according to everyone else. I want to just stay here, and continue to do my job and not be forced to rp, but no one else seems to think that's a viable option so I guess I have to leave.

Regardless of how my anger and sadness over all of this may have construed anything I said, I'm not mad at anyone and I don't want anyone to think that I'm doing this just because I'm pissed about not being able to have my 'group', as everyone is referring to it. I may be mad about that, and it may be a contributing factor, but in no way is it the reason behind all of this. I really haven't felt wanted here for quite sometime. I've felt unwanted longer than I felt wanted, to be honest. I don't know if that's just my paranoia, how people actually feel, some sort of extreme misunderstanding on any combination or alternative. It just is what it is I guess. I'm really going to miss this place and I'm sad to leave. I really hope everyone's opinions change on this matter and I'm allowed to come back and not be required to rp but that, unfortunately, is doubtful. I love and will miss all of you guys, I really do/will. I hope that my anger and sadness over all this doesn't change how any of you feel towards me cause that was not the purpose.

-Hopefully not the last thing I do here.

Azrael the Sorrowful  - My Talk   22:09, November 6, 2011 (UTC)