Claiming:Camp/Asyline Hayes

Index > Camp Claiming > Camp/Asyline Hayes

Name: Asyline Opheria Hayes

Age: 17

Gender: Do you want to check? Of course she's a female.

God Parent:

1. Poseidon (Although the story and the picture will make sense a little more.

2. Apollo

3. Thanatos

Mortal Parent: The lovely and beautiful Ashlynn Hayes

Appearance: At the right :3

Asyline Opheria Hayes

Personality: Okay! *takes a deep breath and ties a cloth around my forehead* LETS DO DIS!!!!!!

Asyline is a girl with a shy and introverted person. She is very courageous, courteous and, at times, rebellious. She is very trustworthy and loyal. She is also very stubborn and hot tempered. She is very nervous around boys and will blush a lot. She tends to keep her head down whenever she is outside camp because of her bright sea green eyes so she will tend to be very insecure. She is very witty and sarcastic when you manage to break her shell and be a little more cozy around her. She is normally seen with her half siblings, why? Because they simply understands her more than usual campers. She also has arguments with the Ares and Aphrodite's campers because what they normally do really does infuriates her.

History:

Young Ashlynn Hayes was a very adventurous and an extrovert girl. She was also very rebellious which explains how Asyline gained her rebellious streak. Rules never seemed to have pushed her down as she had always seemed to find a loophole around it. She was so outgoing and fun-loving that sometimes people wonder if Asyline really is her daughter. She had always managed to sneak off in the nights into the big and vast forests that seemed to hold a never ending interest in the little five year old. But the only place that holds dear memories to the little brown-haired girl is the beach, oceans or lakes.

Whenever she was near the water bodies, she would always feel a sense of safety around them but she would always dismissed them as a sugar rush attack in her brain from the many juice box that she drinks or so she thought. Poseidon has has taken a certain interest in her ever since she was a child with her love for the sea. As she began to grow older, she finally found her job and interest in studying the many types and mysteries of the marine animals in the big blue ocean. When she was 25, she finally had a degree in biology, learnt how to swim and scuba dived, got master degrees in biology and finally had a job in one of the top aspiring biology labs in Manhattan. She cares deeply for the ocean and that's how she managed to catch the attention of the sea god(s).

One bright and blue day, 27-year-old Ashlynn Hayes was out in the ocean, trying to figure out how stonefish managed to produce poison glands on top of their skin when she spotted a poor little turtle stuck in a fishing net. Ashlynn had growled at the fishermen whom were ignoring the turtle and she had gotten away from her research and freed the little marine turtle away. This caught the attention of (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) and immediately it was love in first sight as the god(s) drank in the beautiful appearance of Ashlynn. Not only that, her kindness and true love and care for the ocean made them/him love her even more.

But sadly, Ashlynn was already engaged to a handsome but cheating and conniving young man named Steven Willson. But still, that didn't stopped (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) from getting to know her so he disguised as a new marine biologist named John Zickerberg that just came back from New Zealand and Ashlynn was his new teacher for showing the god the ropes in the lab. She managed to crack jokes with the god and became good friends with him. By the second month, All the female scientists were infatuated with (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) but Ashlynn was still blinded by her love for her fiancé.

Soon enough, Ashlynn caught Steven making out with a prostitute in bed and Ashlynn was heartbroken. She immediately walked to the ocean and began to shout, scream and cry out to the ocean about why she had chosen a bad man for a fiancé. Soon, (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanotos) heard her cries and gently comforted her. She sought comfort in the man's arms as Ashlynn became dangerously drunk with the bottle of beer she had brought to the beach. Poseidon couldn't take the urge and desire so, in her state of unconsciousness, had done 'it' with her.

2 months later, Ashlynn finally found out that she was pregnant with a baby in her womb so she tried to kill it, thinking it was Steven's baby as she caught him cheating on her behind her back so it will feel like a burden carrying his child. (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) had secretely stopped her from doing it, knowing that it was his child and his own flesh and 'blood'. He has shown her the pros about raising the child and how proud you'll be when he/she had done something great. Ashlynn finally stopped although she still have bad feelings about it, (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) finally thought it was time to show everything to the young woman and begged Ashlynn to stay with him to take care of the baby, although Ashlynn was a bit unconvinced at first, she finally was convinced and 9 months later, she had given birth to a beautiful young baby girl called Asyline Hayes. She didn't have brown eyes but beautiful sea green eyes that were similar to the man that Ashlynn now called her loved one.

(Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) was overjoyed at this fact and the fact that he had a child with one of his most beloved lover but Zeus eventually found out and (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos)was forced to go back to his home on Olympus. But before that day came, the god had given his daughter a hair pin that can turn into a bow and a sheath of arrows at will. Before the night that he will disappear back to Olympus, he asked Ashlynn what her wish was and she said. "I have a loving husband and a beautiful little girl. What more could I want? Although, it has always been my dream to go to Australia and take a dive in the deep blue seas."

The next morning, Ashlynn woke up and found that (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) wasn't beside her and there were two strips of paper that had appeared on the nightside table that were a trip to Australia. After the trip to Australia, Asyline and Ashlynn were living a happy life. But then Ashlynn was forced to consider about sending her to the camp that (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) had told her about before disappearing in the middle of the night. Because of Ashlynn's gift of looking through the mist, she saw some monsters near Asyline when she was nine but she didnt want to send her to camp because if Asyline did go, she would be all alone so she didn't and ignored Colin Reeve.

When she was five, she was swimming in the swimming complex when she went underwater and stayed there for around 10-15 minutes underwater. The kids around her had shouted for their parents for help when she didn't resurface but when she came up from the water a few minutes later, she looked her usual self although with a very confused face expression. The parents were all busily talking with one another to notice Asyline in the water, except for Ashlynn whom was wearig a very nervous expression.

Later, Asyline and Ashlynn went to the local aquarium but when all the fishes swam over to her, Asyline had conversed with the little fishes and the people surrounding her was thinking that she is crazy but dismissed it as being the wide imagination of a six year old but Ashlynn thought other wise. When they had exited the aquarium, Asyline had told her mother, "Mummy......That little fishy just now told me that he was very proud to meet the king's daughter.' That had shocked Ashlynn to the core and together they brought her home. One day, when Asyline was seven years old, she had made the sink exploded because somebody had taunted her that her mother was a w*ore and that she was pregnant with a bast*rd child.

And when Asyline was 8 years old, she was at the playground, playing with other kids when a tall man in a trench coat walked over to her and talked to her. He said that she was very pretty and would liked a lollipop. Asyline almost accepted it but she had managed to see only one eye under the man's head. Ashlynn had found out about this and brought her to another playground to play in. Who knew that it was a cyclops that was spying on Asyline so that Poseidon knows what is happening to her.

After that incident, her mother and her had been going school after school and moving state after state to get rid of the monsters, although Asyline was curious at the sudden moves after only 2-3 months in school, she never said anything due to the fact that she trusts her mother with all her life. Because of Ashlynn's gift of looking through the mist and she saw some monsters near Asyline.

But the monsters kept on coming in, when Asyline was 9, she was playing in the water when suddenly, a Fire Breathing Horse appeared. She hadn't noticed the monster so she continued playing in the sand near the beach until suddenly she felt something hot on her neck. She turned around and she screamed at the sight of the monster. People thought she was crazy when she started screaming at the 'innocent pony' so they ignore her.

The horse kept walking over to her and she had gone deeper and nearer to the water. The horse, angered, ran to Asyline and was about to burnt her alive when Asyline unintentionally made a water whip and cackled it at the Fire Breathing Horse, making it weakened which prevents it's power from breathing fire. Due to the fact that her mother used to learn Archery, her mother had taught her how to use a bow. She shakily strung an arrow on her bow and shot it at the horse's stomach from a far distance. Ashlynn found out about it and moved again to another state.

When Asyline was 10, she and Ashlynn were taking a makeshift safari tour in one of the safari place but when Asyline was near a Dark creek, a big, black scorpion appeared. She was wide eyes and her hands touched her hairpin easily, her mum taught her how to use it due to the many monster attacks.

Ashlynn finally saw what she was staring at and her eyes widened too, she told Asyline not to move at all but Asyline was rebellious so she made the hair clip into a bow and dodged away from the Scorpion's attack with it's tail, she growled and strung the bow and attempt to shoot it in the head but due to the hardness, it bounced off. She tried to run away from it but it was too fast and it almost stroke her with the poison. She found that the bottom part was it's weakness because a sharp rock caused it to winced so she used the water from the surrounding ponds and used it to make a big square as she put it under the scorpion and quickly pull out under the Scorpion. The scorpion, due to the water square, toppled and Asyline finally shot the underside from a far. The scorpion died because the metal tip is made of celestial bronze. Ashlynn thought again that it was time to move.

When Asyline was 11,she was out swimming in the ocean to collect some plants for Ashlynn when she saw dog headed animal. Asyline tried to swim away but the Telekhine grabbed her leg and pulled her towards it. She struggled in the water but was surprised to see that she could breath in water so She managed to lure the monster out of the water and strung her bow and shot the Telkhine. The monster turned into dust as she walked out of the water with the plant in her hand, what's surprising too is that her clothes isn't wet.

Throughout the next six years, she had attended more than 15 schools and lived in more than twenty states. But the monster kept coming in so when they settled in Manhattan again, they stayed in the house but the monsters got in. As Asyline grew older, her fighting skills got better too. She had killed any of the monster that entered the house easily.

One of them was a Chimera and it had snuck into the house through the window in the middle of the night. Fortunately, Asyline was having a glass of water in the middle of the night so she was surprised to find the Chimera growling at her. It pounced on her and Asyline dodged it as she ran away.

She gotten her bow in her hands ready to shoot but the Chimera scratched her face so she was off guard for a little while but she managed to use one of her arrows and blind it.

While it was blinded, she had launched an arrow in it's torso and it stopped still before exploding into dust.

Another is the Scythian Dracanae. It had slithered inside the house when Asyline had absent-mindedly left the door opened. It wrapped it's trunk around Asyline's neck but Asyline managed to blinded it by digging it's eye out using her arrows. The Dracanae had shouted in pain but Asyline strung her bow and it perfectly shot it in it's head.

One day when Asyline was 16, she had gone out of the house and immediately a hellhound pounced on her, knocking her down. She had struggled under the big demon as she had used a big stick and whacked it and it let her go after being confused for a while but immediately recovered from it's shock. She looked around for a weapon but the hellhound grabbed her legs and pulled her under him. Asyline rolled away and her hairpin that, her mother told her to keep it in her hair always,rolled out and it turned into a bow, Asyline's eyes widened as she remembered her mother teaching her how to use a bow and shoot it at anybody whom is not a human being. She hesitantly grabbed it and the hellhound came towards her.

She missed a few times but finally shot the hellhound's head just in time before she got mauled to death. Ashlynn finally knew what had happened so she finally made a decision, Asyline would go to camp and stay there until she is old enough to fight. Ashlynn was walking in the woods, trying to fin Asyline's hairpin that was missing in the woods when she saw Colin Reeves,the satyr, that was protecting them from the monster that was trying to kill Asyline. Colin had told Ashlynn all about camp and the perks of it but Ashlynn was stubborn so she kept on refusing but Colin had said that he could protect Asyline inside camp. Ashlynn finally agreed and sent Asyline to follow Colin to camp, no matter how confused she was.

Along the way, they had encountered another monster called a harpy. She was bored and wanted glory among the other monsters for killing a child of the Big Three. So she had disguised as a cashier and Asyline was in the store to buy some food but then the harpy appeared and attacked her.

Asyline yelped and was shocked but she managed to dodged back and her hairpin and became the bow again. She growled as she was so sick of monsters, she perfectly dodged all of the harpy's attacks and finally killed it with an arrow on it's eye.

The monster was killed but the satyr was gravely injured in the process because she had scratched him, thinking it would distract Asyline. But he managed to bring Asyline safely in the borders of Camp Half Blood and gotten claimed the age of seventeen.

Weapons: A bow and a sheath of arrows that is a hairpin with seaweed and coral in it's neutral state.

(I think went a little too overboard with the history.......A fricken ten paragraphs story XD)

The-Mysical (talk) 13:08, June 15, 2014 (UTC)

Edited!

The-Mysical (talk) 03:06, June 17, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

okay so XD here are le mistakes:

• Add Your Siggy Or 4~'s
  • If You want a siggy, you could either ask someone to help make it for you or request one here: Custom Signatures
• Please Change Pontus and Thalassa and pick camp gods. >~< They have no cabins.
  • Look Under Camp Gods Or just go on the main page of the wikia and when ya see the tabbers click "Cabins" and it will lead you to the cabin list c:.
• Why would she kill the baby? I mean, why if it was Stevans?
• The Godparent would have to leave at least when she's born. But they cant have contact at all. Asyline wouldn't know him at ALL. No touching eachother, seeing eachother, etc, etc.
  • But you could leave the wish thing and the dagger thing 
• when did her father give her a knife O.o
• Write Her Current Age On The Top Of The Claim Please
• Can you at least explain the hellhound attack a bit more? Like did she slide under it, did she throw a ball at it and then dig the knife into it's shoulderblades causing it to die.

Not A Bad Claim Actually.

Template:Kat claim sig

Edited! The-Mysical (talk) 14:04, June 15, 2014 (UTC)

Can you explain some of those attacks? Also I she cant spend that long at camp. The way the claim sounds she sounds 13. You would need more attacks 1. Explain her childhood please. Also, why would her mother make her go at 18? Because doesn't she care for her daughter's life?

Template:Kat claim sig

Edited!......Again! The-Mysical (talk) 23:16, June 15, 2014 (UTC)

Ok so first of all you monsters wouldnt attack Asyine so young even if she is one of the big three. Also there are arge age gaps 4 to 6 to 9, please fix that. Hellhounds can wiegh as much as a car so "rolling out under it" wouldnt work. How would Asyline know to use her hairpen as a weapon if her mother didnt tell her that. Include more information on the satyr because it appears as if he appeared out of nowhere. Empousai are medium level monster so a singe demigod could kill the thing by herself. Fix the format on your last paragraph it seems to e doing a scroll effect.     IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

Edited! Again......And again.....Also, I'm on my phone so I can't seem to find the problem of the scrolling...........

The-Mysical (talk) 00:36, June 16, 2014 (UTC)

You stil havent fixed this part. "The next morning, Ashlynn woke up and found that (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) wasn't beside her and there were two strips of paper that had appeared on the nightside table that were a trip to Australia. After the trip to Australia, Asyline started to attract the attention of many evil and deadly monster that wanted to kill the young daughter of (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos). Ashlynn was forced to consider about sending her to the camp that (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanatos) had told her about before disappearing in the middle of the night. One day, when Asyline was seven years old, she had made the sink exploded because somebody had taunted her that her mother was a w*ore and that she was pregnant with a bast*rd child" Any god children can not be attacked before age 8 and your saying in this part that when asyline was attacked before that age.

    IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

Fixed.......Again.......Again.......And again......... Also when Asyline was seven years old, she didn't have a monster attacked her, she made the sink explode.

The-Mysical (talk) 01:54, June 16, 2014 (UTC)

"T, Asyline started to attract the attention of many evil and deadly monster that wanted to kill the young daughter" She wouldnt atract monster when she is a baby.      IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

Edited!.......Again......Again.......Again........And Again..........

The-Mysical (talk) 02:08, June 16, 2014 (UTC) Whats the name of your model?     IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

I don't know since Katniss helped me put the 'Unknown Model' category below

The-Mysical (talk) 02:16, June 16, 2014 (UTC)

looks good to me, ask someone to claim it     IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

Alright! Finally, after like 4-5 edits, I can get claimed :3

The-Mysical (talk) 03:01, June 16, 2014 (UTC)

Yep     IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

Not quite ready to be claimed, sorry. How did the godparent stop Ashlynn from killing the baby? Could you add in some more details on her childhood before the age of seven? This wiki is set 17-18 years after the event of the Percy Jackson novels, so Kelli would have had time to reform. You cannot have a dagger/knife as a main weapon. Asyline's main weapon has to be something substantial like a sword, bow, spear etc. Finally, there is a huge problem in the end of the history. On the wiki we have a rule that no character being claimed has been at camp for the past three years (three years is how long the wiki has been running, if you're saying that your character has been here for those three years it's sort of like cheating because there are users and characters who have been here for those three years and it's not fair on them, because your character has not existed on the wiki during that time). You've said she is 17 at the top of the claim, but she's only 11 at the end of the claim. So you can either change her age to 11 as that is how old she is at the end of the claim, or you could have her attend camp for a bit and then leave and come back, or she could stay in the mortal world and get to camp at 17 after a lot of monster attacks. Or something in between. Sorry for the super long comment >.<

User:Bird of Winter/sigcoding2

I sort of understood your comment so edited! And no problem, the longer, the better.....!

The-Mysical (talk) 07:56, June 16, 2014 (UTC)

Please add the age for the first monster attack. How old was she when she reached camp?

User:Bird of Winter/sigcoding2

Edited!!! for the seventh time :/

The-Mysical (talk) 11:31, June 17, 2014 (UTC)

• In some parts of your claim, it still says (Poseidon/Pontus/Thalassa), so make sure to read your claim over and replace that with (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanotos).
• How come none of the parents tried and help Asylinen right away when their kids told them that she hasn't resurfaced?
• If the monster was a cyclops (the tall man in a trench coat), how come it didn't attack Asyline when it had the chance. She was a young child, vulnerable, without any weapon to defend herself.
• How did Asyline know of the technique of how to use a bow. Using a bow isn't something that comes naturally to all demigods especially with her god parentage. A demigod untrained in using a bow and arrow would not know how to use a bow nor would be able to aim properly. If you say it was a wild shot, it'd a bit of a stretch.
• Elaborate what you mean by Ashlynn "finding" the satyr, Colin Reeves. 
• You need to keep in mind that the wikia takes place approximately 17 years after the book end. That'd most likely be enough time for an empousai (Kelli) to reform in Tartarus.
• An empousai requires 3 to 5 demigods to kill, so it's unlikely for Asyline (even with the satyr) to kill one all by themselves. I would suggest choosing from the light monsters.
• From the flow of history, after the hellhound encounter (at the age of 11) Colin went to bring Asyline to camp, along the way they encounter the empousai, aftert killing it Asyline got to camp. That would make her 11 whens he got to camp and she's currently 17.
  • If that's the case, what has she been doing at camp for the past 5 to 6 years? As she wasn't roleplayed, she can't have participated in any events that ahd happened nor have been interacting with characters at camp. You can't just assume that she did.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

Edited....For the eighth time.....

The-Mysical (talk) 04:02, June 19, 2014 (UTC)

• You need to patient, you'd just be more frustrated and disappointed if you expect your claim to aleays be "claimed" on the third or fifth comment.
• In some parts of your claim, it still says (Poseidon/Pontus/Thalassa), so make sure to read your claim over and replace that with (Poseidon/Apollo/Thanotos).
• "Because of Ashlynn's gift of looking through the mist and she saw some monsters near Asyline." This seems to suggest that monsters were attracted to Asyline at an early age.
  • Even being a child of a big-three god, her scent is stronger but would not develop until her early teen years.
• Your history has not much on the ages between 8 to 16, kindly include in the claim what had happen during that age gap.
• Since 16 is the only monster attack you have written that Asyline had gotten, 16 is too old for a child of a big-three god to have their first monster attack. They generally get their first attack in the ages of 8 to 11.
  • For each year after Asyline's first monster attack that she doesn't go to camp, kindly provide and elaborate on another monster attack.
• There's a continuity issue with Asyline's encounter with the harpy, it says that the monster is a harpy but at the end of the paragraph it says: "but then the fury appeared and attacked her."
  • ​Furies serve under Hades, and would only attack a demigod, if Hades have sent them to.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

• If Ashlynn had seen some monsters near Asyline when she was 13 that wouldn't make sense. Asyline got to camp whens he was 12 (from what I read in the history), if she's been at camp, Ashlynn would not have been near her to see that monsters were near her child. Also the camp border prevents any monsters from getting into camp.
• The water pressure and the different property than air would most likely render an arrow to sink to the bottom of the arrow fair before it is near the target. So it's unlikely for an arrow to hit the telekhine underwater, even if it did not sink, the speed it would be coming at it's target will be slow. That would give the telekhine more than enough time to dodge it.
• The sharp stick isn't made of Celestial Bronze so, while it can moderately hurt the fire breathing horse at most, it would not be able to kill it.
• From what I read in the history, after the hellhound encounter (when she was 12), Colin went to bring Asyline to camp, along the way they encounter the harpy, aftert killing it Asyline got to camp. That would mean that she had gotten to camp when she was 12 and she is currently 17.
  • If she has been at camp for the past 4 to 5 years, what has she been doing at camp for all those years? You can't assume that she had participated in any events nor that she had been interacting with characters at camp, since she wasn't roleplayed.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

Edited......And yeah, I have never been a very patient person so sorry if I annoyed you in any which way........

The-Mysical (talk) 03:24, June 20, 2014 (UTC)

I'm not annoyed or anything. I know how frustrating it can be right now, just stay put, I'm sure your claim will be ready for approval soon.

• A fire-breathing horse breathes fire from their nostril and their mane is on fire, so if she did attempt to stab the fire-breathing horse's head with an arrow, the fire would most likely melt it. 
• The sharp stick isn't made of Celestial Bronze so, while it can moderately hurt the telekhine at most, it would not be able to kill it.
• Really the magical barrier wouldn't necessarily stop monsters from attacking Asyline unles they stayed in their house 24/7. Also, Poseidon has many children, all which their scent attracts monster. I don't see why Poseidon would favor Asyline and give her a magical barrier.
• How come Ashlynn only started seeing monsters near Asyline when she was 12? She had encountered other monsters before hand already.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

• Pregnancy should take approximately 9 months, so at 7 months the baby may be underdeveloped and have to stay at the hospital for a period of time
• Being 9 years old, she is inexperienced with fighting. As the fire-breathing horse is capable of breathing fire from its nostril, I would believe that it would be capable of melting the arrow when it comes its way.
• Monsters won't just "stop coming" after her just because she's more "experienced" in fighting. During those years as she is a child of a big-three god, her scent will be stronger and more monsters will detect it and be attracted to her.
• There's another continuity issue, it said: "But he managed to bring Asyline safely in the borders of Camp Half Blood at the age of sixteen," but it says in one of the previous paragraphs: "One day when Asyline was 17..." That paragraph is about prior to her getting to camp, so it doesn't make sense for her to be 16 when she got to camp and 17 when she was attacked prior to getting to camp.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

Edited. And I hope so......

The-Mysical (talk) 06:26, June 21, 2014 (UTC)

• Whenever she is near the water bodies, she would always spot fishes sort of bowing down at her but she would always dismissed them as a sugar rush attack in her brain from the many juice box that she drinks.
  • You should elaborate on this statement you wrote about Ashlynn, is there any significance about this you didn't write about? Was it actually a sugar rush attack in her brain that made her think the fish bowed down at her? Your history seems to suggest elsewise.
• While the fire-breathing horse's weakness is long ranged weapons, but since Asyline was using the arrow as a melee weapon, the fire-breathing horse would be less vulnerable to the arrow. And keep in mind, even if it is unable to breath fire during the moment, it would still be able to use its hooves to kick Asyline away if she comes close.
• I need to point out, staying inside their house doesn't stop monsters from attacking Asyline. If they caught on her scent, they'd be able to get in the house with their own ways.
• There's another continuity issue I found, it says that monster she encountered before getting to camp is a harpy. But in the next paragraph it says "...she perfectly dodged all of the fury's attacks and finally killed it with an arrow on it's eye."

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

You still haven't fixed the bolded point from my previous comments. According to this statement: "She had killed any of the monster that entered the house easily.", she had encounter monsters during those six years before she went to camp. Kindly elaborate on those encounters such as what methods she used to escape from the encounters or how she slayed the monsters.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

Hang in there, it's almost ready. I'd be more than happy to approve it once it is.

• It says that Ashlynn was 27 when she caught Poseidon's attention and she was 30 when Poseidon left. A god wouldn't stay with a mortal for 2 to 3 years, they'd most likely leave the mortal once the child is conceived. They gods have duties and they are constantly mingling with other mortals.
• If Ashlynn considered bringing Asyline to camp that Poseidon told her about, what's the reason she didn't do it after Asyline began encountering monsters?
• The first monster attack you wrote about was when she was 9, but you said that Ashlynn saw some monsters near Asyline when she was 8. If Ashlynn saw monsters near Asyline, it'd most likely attack her. So elaborate on it, whether changing the age when Ashlynn saw monsters to 9 or adding a monster attack at the age of 8.
• I don't see why the other harpies would be angry at children of Poseidon for kidnapping "harpy", our wikia takes place 17 years after the book. So all canon characters are no longer at camp, most likely Ella the harpy would be too. Plus the other harpies harrasses Ella so they most likely wouldn't care what happens about her.
• A giant scorpion's underside normally faces the ground, an arrow would not hit that spot with normal means. Its underside is the spot that it is vulnerable to attacks.
• Elaborate on: "She remembered the myth about how the Chimera died," from what I know chimeras are vulnerable to poison.
• Creating a sphere/ball of water is a 3 months ability on our wikia. Being a 9 year old and an un-trained demigod, it is un-realistic for her to be able to create one.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

• The head isn't necessarily the weakness of the giant scorpion as their most vulnerable spot is their underside which they keep facing the ground (causing it hard to hit it with arrows in normal means).
• I don't believe there's such thing as Celestial Bronze poisoning.
• Using just an arrow is unlikely to stab it into a monster (it applies to all monsters that she used this method to kill) is not that efficient. The only reason why arrows are effective is because the speed they are shot at. Since arrows are thin, using it to stab a monster is much weaker than if she used an actual weapon.
• For Asyline to create a waterfall, there must be water around her for her to telekinetically move it.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

Why did Ashlynn Hayes stay with the dad?     IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

Adding onto Bliss' comment.

• The water pressure and the different property than air would most likely render an arrow to sink to the bottom of the arrow fair before it is near the target. So it's unlikely for an arrow to hit the telekhine underwater, even if it did not sink, the speed it would be coming at it's target will be slow. That would give the telekhine more than enough time to dodge it.
• Giant scorpions when compared to Aslyine should be much larger since she was 10. Using her mere strength she would not be able to topple one by herself. Kindly elaborate more on this statement: "she managed to topple it," such as if the environment had helped and what method did she use.

|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|---~Kevin---Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.

There are a lot of grammatical errors/spelling errors. Please proof read and fix these.

"I will take what is mine with fire and blood."  -The Mother of Dragons   

i don't get why fish would bow to her mother, also children of poseidon have no control over creatures of the sea minus hippocampi. see here

  Hydro   " We all have secrets. The ones we keep... and the ones that are kept from us."   18:01, June 24, 2014 (UTC)    [[Special:EditCount/Hydrocarbon1997|Special:EditCount/Hydrocarbon1997]]

There's no certain age to go to camp exactly...Well for a char to be there they would have to be 12 but I mean in the history with Ashlynn.

Template:Kat claim sig

Edited! Except I didn't know what Katniss is talking about.......

The-Mysical (talk) 08:13, June 25, 2014 (UTC)

• Could you please arrange the pararaphs so they are in chronological order?

• When she is attacked by the fire breathing horse, what exactly does she string onto her bow?

• How did her mother know how to use a bow and arrow (to teach her daughter)?

• I understand that her hairpin is the bow, but where does she get the arrows?

• The point where Ashylnn is trying to find the hairpin and meets Colin is completely disjointed from the next paragraph. Could you please look over this and fix it so it makes sense?

• Children are claimed as soon as they arrive at camp, so there is no need for the extra bit about the archery practice.

User:Bird of Winter/sigcoding2

OK so first of all , "Poseidon couldn't take the urge and desire so, in her state of unconsciousness, had done 'it' with her". It sounds like your saying poseiden raped her because of the "state of unconsciousness" part so i recommend changing that part. Monsters usaully dont tend to spy and just attack.     IT WAS ULTRAVIOLENCE   ONCE UPON A DREAM ♫ DEATH

What I've striked out in Death's paragraph wasn't a problem :) In the fire-breathing horse attack, it doesn't make sense for the attack to occur in the water, as that monster's weakness is the water, and it would pretty much be killing itself by going in the water. 

User:Bird of Winter/sigcoding2

I think it's all good now :)

You Have Been Claimed

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User:Bird of Winter/sigcoding2

User:Bird of Winter/sigcoding2