“The best moments of my life were lived in a time capsule.”
It’s never easy to answer questions of who you are and where you come from, because memory is all you have to make you /you/. This is why asking people to tell a little bit about themselves can be tricky. What side of themselves do they want to show to that specific crowd. Fernando stands and answers anyways.
“I’m Fernando, I like the 80’s, and I’m going to rule over all of you one day.”
He smiles and laughs, and so does everyone else, uncomfortably. He’s kind of a weirdo, but what’s new. His eyes don’t smile. He’s serious.
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I couldn't get away
Fernando began his life running with his father to the promised land, in February of 2001. He hadn’t been born yet, of course, but the spirit of his father had. He had lost everything and everyone he knew in a single earthquake in his home country, El Salvador, and had to rebuild his life from scratch. Hope comes to those who have none, and he was able to buy a cheapish ticket to flee to the United States. He arrived in New York City and sought Asylum, eventually granted to him. His father truly tried to continue living, but it’s difficult when there’s nothing to live for. His happiness was cut abruptly by a certain plane crash in NYC, where he almost became one of the many unrecovered bodies. By fate, or by divine intervention, he managed to meet the woman who saved his life on that day, the one who made him late to work. It reinspired the fire he had to live, and in a span of a week, he felt as if he were in love. It didn’t end up mattering, however.
I walk along the avenue
I never thought I'd meet a girl like you
Meet a girl like you
The person he had met and loved was no person at all, but the Goddess herself. The great tragedy of 9/11 allowed her to see the world which had lost so much of her. Her essence had been what saved him and gave him joy, and in the end, she’s the reason his lineage lives on through Fernando. The goddess held him in her womb in her jar for five months, before accepting that if he were born with her, he would never escape. She left the infant with his father. With odds like this, Fernando should have had a regular childhood.
His father had been close enough that he was persisted by failing health, and being abandoned by the woman he loves and left with a child only made him weaker. The immigrant didn’t have the money to travel back and forth in and out from the hospital. He couldn’t take care of his child. He wrote his son a later, the son with his same name, emphasizing how special and how much of a miracle the boy was.He left him on a door step in New Jersey, and drove on from there, coming to a logical decision to kill himself.
The people who Fernando was left with called the proper authorities, who immediately put him into the foster system. They didn’t know when he was born, so his birthday became the day he was found.
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away from the pain that you drive into the heart of me
Fernando didn’t stay easy in the system. Even as a young child filled with hope and aspiration for a better future, he refused to sit still and do what was asked of him. None of the foster homes treated him how he felt he should’ve been treated. His sentiments on settling in a particular home were also tainted by the affection he had for the father he didn’t know, and his prized possession was the letter he received from him. As a rebellious five year old, Fernando was a polarizing figure in his foster homes. Some people loved him and his strong will, some of the younger kids followed his lead, while some of the older kids who had been in the system longer didn’t approve of him making waves and making life more difficult for them. He got told off, got picked on, but it was fine because he never stuck around long enough for anyone to seriously harm him.
You have to grow up quickly in the system. His hardships were made more apparent with his “flaws”, the other things that wouldn’t allow him to get adopted. Every night, Fernando would dream of dying. He would die in many different ways, but he always came back to the towers. Every night, he would imagine people he thought he could love, and then see them vanish. It was all too much for a child. Whenever Fernando tried to verbalize it, people would shut him up and shut him out, and no one really cared enough to help him out besides his social worker, who managed to get him a therapist. He didn’t know the things he was seeing were the lasting hardships of his father, and the family that came before. The generational trauma left a mark on him spiritually in a way that wouldn’t let him ignore it.
Fernando finally found a place to call home, that he could even accept as a home, in a foster family that worked to erase his culture. The kids he lived with he felt comfortable with, and his foster parents were hard working americans. It would’ve been perfect if it weren’t for some of the prejudice they held that would slip here and there. They were loving, they accepted his wild side, and they worked with him. So why wouldn't they let him speak spanish in the house? They all went to church together, they taught him to ride a bike, they let him play soccer. They only called him Fern, they didn’t like immigrants, they didn’t have any darker boys in the house. It all felt incredibly paradoxical, to have someone who cared about him, but also disregarded things that were important to him.
Through the storm, we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
These were the best moments in his life. The life he lived then was what gave him hope for a future. The Adams’ had a attic full of cool retro things, the things from their own childhoods. The attic became his own little slice of heaven, where he would watch these classics, anything John Hughes and any sort of Slasher. He found his foster dad’s old walkman, and started a tape collection for it. This was his escape from the world, and the way he learned to socialize. It definitely helped him appreciate his foster parents.
He didn’t realize it at first, but it began affecting his fashion sense too.
Super trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
Like I always do
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
His life was hell, but became more of a hell once Fern entered high school. The kids were loud and mean as expected, but wow, did the homework load increase. He had watched the breakfast club at least 30 times before entering school, but it wasn’t enough to prepare him for high school. In fact, it was a bit outdated. The teachers were cruel, possibly because he didn’t particularly like paying attention in their class. His not so terrible looks also made him popular in other circles, but with his geeky self, he only managed to make about 3 friends real friends, aka, the friends who could endure watching Friday the 13th every friday, and the ones who were down to play D&D on tuesdays.
Tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawn and stretch and try to come to life
As a teenager, the news hardly escaped him, and like most people, he became increasingly concerned about the world. Adding to his concerns, he faced his first monster attack. At the age of fourteen, a hellhound who he thought was a cute dog in an alley, jumped him and ravaged him, leaving him bruised and battered. He honestly thought he was going to die, but he just hoped and hoped he wouldn’t. The hope manifested and blinded the hell hound, giving him an escape. That wasn’t the end of it however, because the hound still had his scent, and it would track him, wherever he went. He endured two months playing a game of cat and mouse, barely surviving, thinking he was going crazy, especially when the harpies began attacking. He was afraid his game of D&D had somehow come to life. There’s no way he would have survived the attack, if it weren’t for the demigod that arrived to save him. They lived in town together, and Fern had run away from home to avoid these odd creatures, thinking himself insane. The demigod was part of the BC, and explained to him what exactly he was, and thus who he was. He also revealed to him how much darker the world really was, besides just the general human horrors. Thus Fern, upon learning about the gods, also learned how corrupt and harmful they were. Sawyer offered to train him and induct him into the BC, and as tempting as it was, Fern told him he had to mull it over. He had no confidence in the gods now, sure, but he missed his family and his old life. He tried to go back to living freely, but found it was harder to do so. He wanted to do something. Anything. Fern was done with seeing death in his dreams, the death he knew was real.
Admittedly, he came back for his friends and family but only grew more detached. He started seeing his parents more for what they really were, and when the perfect people show their flaws, you have to start treating them as human. Thus, at 15, he ran away again, to join the BC.
To his shock, Fern came to find out the BC wasn’t what Sawyer had promised. Many of the factions seemed vicious, and they all had their own, hidden motives for changing the world into a better place. He saw many power hungry, and none quite as power hungry as their infamous leader. It wasn’t a place for him. He didn’t last a week, and deserted. He tried to go back to the life he was living. After all, he hadn’t been fully inducted. Unfortunately, the BC hunted him down, and gave him the option to die or die. If it weren’t for Sawyer’s guilt and soft spot, he would’ve died. Sawyer kept him hidden away, finally relenting and telling him about camp, his safest option. Out of options, he decided that this cabin hidden away wasn’t enough. He wasn’t even a good fighter, he was just an 80s junkie. But he had hope. He still had his dad’s letter.
Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Fern’s conviction only grew stronger. Maybe it’s silly, but the life he’s lived, the things he’s seen, it all has left him with a singular conclusion. Before going to camp, he busted into his old foster parents home to leave them a final note and steal all the stuff he couldn’t bare parting with.
Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
His final steps brought him late february of 2019 to Camp, 16 years old. Orientation, meeting people, introducing himself. What’s his great conviction?
We will find You acting on your best behavior
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world
He has decided to rule the world, like everyone else.