Best Friends are the people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little brighter and live a little better.
The Three Years
November 2012 - November 2013
This is probably gonna be the shortest tab on this side of the gift purely because I cant remember much of this time. I do remember meeting you on the HG wiki and forcing you that one time to come to the HG wiki chat with Unu if you were serious about wanting to continue speaking to me. That should have been an indication really that I was about to embark in the best friendship ever. I don't even think we formally met, I think one of us just pmed the other and it went from there. I would have never ever guessed that the random user's games I joined when I was at the height of my HG wiki popularity would end up being the person I always look forward to speaking to daily.
We had various collabs during these years, among a few I can name that failed are Landon/Tori and Justin/Skylar. Yet we also produced Jato which I still feel is our model couple that all of our existing ones need to live up to in some way shape or form. I can remember embarking in couples and sibling collabs with you. Looking back on it I feel a bit embarrassed but I always felt really honoured that you'd most of the time pick me to be the one to do it with (it was probably me the one asking half of the time LMAOOO).
As I said, this would be the shortest of the three on this tab since I can't really remember a lot of it, but all I know is that I started the best friendship of my life.
November 2013 - November 2014
Again, I can't remember much of this year but I do believe this was the year that drove the biggest crack in our friendship which still, at times, effects us.
I wouldn't say the crack formed when we became friends with Sophie. No, at first she was amazing and we both would agree to that no problem. Let's face it, she never was antagonistic - not until she came back from her camp and even then I don't think she meant to be. No I'd like to think the crack began with the formation of The Fab 5. Why do I think that? Well to put it simply, during the formation of TF5 you and Sophie were closer, you and Hyu talked a lot more than I did with him and you and Kevin spoke a lot more, with my situation with him being similar to that with Hyu. The Fab 5 honestly felt like it was you with other people you were close to adding me in so I wouldn't feel left out. Of course I know that you added me in because a.) I'm fab af but b.) because you wanted me to be a part of it and you wanted to include me and not just for the reason of me not feeling left out. There would be times throughout the whole Fab 5 era that I'd see you with someone else on chat and when invited I'd always feel like I was intruding. I guess that feeling of intruding is what drove for me to involve myself more so slowly I began to talk to Hyu which resulted in the birth of Chinwald, I began to talk to Kevin more which resulted in cute nicknames and I began to put more of an effort into speaking to Sophie. Before, I just let you two do whatever and I guess being the odd one out in terms of timezones really had an effect on me so whenever she was on chat I made the conscious decision to at least speak to her once. This is what led to me and her speaking a lot more when she returned.
That was the biggest crack creator. That and the fact me and her began to partake in projects more that were just us two. I don't think I ever told you my motive. When I made contests with her or event ideas with her it was never to become better friends with her or, admittedly, to benefit the wiki as a priority. No, it was to impress you. The whole of 2014 I wanted to impress you and I still do. I ask you a lot of the time for your opinion just like I did back then because I want your approval, even if you're not included in it. In my trance of wanting you to approve of everything I did I lost sight of the main thing that's kept me on this wiki for so long - our friendship. I neglected it, not fully, but I neglected it. That's the bottom line. While it was still a big priority in my life it became drowned out with other things such as year 11 starting, wanting to impress you and my depression. In the back of my head I always thought you'd be okay with it and ever since our arguments in early 2015 till now when you've told me how you've felt I realised it wasn't okay. I made you feel unwanted, replaced and everything I always was scared of and still am afraid of feeling.
When I left CHB briefly (partly because of internet issues, partly depression and partly because I wanted to) I promised you I'd never stop speaking to you and I managed to, I honestly did. Now I just thank anything and everything (not literally, I'm not insane) for the fact that I didn't pick Sophie over for you because I don't doubt for a second that that decision would've been among the worst I've made.
November 2014 - November 2015
If any year put us to the test, it was this year. I remember at the end of 2014 our friendship was probably at it's most ruined state; I was serious about leaving for DARP, Sophie had contributed towards a division between us, I had a lot of internet issues in general so we didn't see each other that much and then two of the biggest things of this year - my relapse and the model issue. I want to address both of them.
This thing. Jesus fucking Christ this thing. If I could hate something so much it would be this. It made me act like a complete asshole to you - the only person who'd consistently been there for me. Looking back now, I can't believe what I said to you or how I acted towards you - it just seems as if you were a stranger to me that I was trying to make leave me alone. I realised it back then too because I made a promise to myself and to you that I would get better for our friendship as well as for myself. I retain to this day you were a driving force for me to get better. SO much happened because of this that probably could've broken our friendship and I'm so so so so so so glad that it never happened because we're too goals af for it too c:
The Model Issue
I'll be really brief with this since I mostly addressed it in previous presents and we've discussed it somewhat but basically, even after all this time I still feel really guilty despite the fact that the actual relationship between Eli and Luka will be cute af and then whoever is unlucky lucky enough to get Ethan will be cute af too. Although it shouldn't, it's really made me apprehensive about asking to share models with you and more often than not I always feel like you'll say no (hence why I got v excited when I could use Junho) which, more often than not, leads me to think you hate me (idk why sh).
Beyond these Issues
Beyond this year I definitely felt our friendship becoming a lot closer, a lot stronger. I'd probably say we've been the closest since June than we have ever been before. To that I say thank you so much. You know that my previous best friends have abandoned me, replaced me or played and manipulated me. Never once have you done any of those things. You've stuck by me through everything, you've always kept an interest in me and my life and you've always let me, essentially, be me. I'd be lying if I said you'd been anything but my bestest friend I've ever had. Yeah there are times I get annoyed or frustrated by you but that's life, not everyone is aiming to please everyone and I know I've frustrated and annoyed you myself. But even with all these frustrations, annoyances and being offended at times, I couldn't - nor wouldn't - ask for anyone else to be my best friend. People can come hella close, but they will never ever replace you. If I was forced to make you one promise it would be that I'd never abandon you. There are times where I believe I'm not a good enough person to be your best friend, or that I'm not a good enough best friend and you deserve someone way better and despite all that you still tell me time and time again that I am good enough or I am deserving and as soppy as it sounds (as if this whole thing wasn't soppy enough) I couldn't thank you enough. Ily <3
I hope you know how happy you make me. I wouldn't be lying if I said speaking to you is among the main sources of happiness that I have. It makes me really happy when I see '♚ F i n n y ♚ is online' pop up on my computer screen because then I'm able to talk to the main.
Whenever we begin to talk I notice that I become happier in what I say and do, online and irl. I could be having the worst day imaginable but within ten minutes of talking to you the whole day changes and I'm loving it again. On a bit more of a wikia oriented happiness scale, it makes me happy whenever you say you like my ideas, or dibs on a model I want to use since it shows you're taking an interest. Bit of a stupid reason to find happiness, since I know that you're mostly always interested, but still, it doesn't fail to make me smile whenever you say "dibs oops" to a model I linked with the possibility of me using them.
I think it's because you're so much of a source of happiness for me that I get overly sad whenever you say you're useless or something you do isn't good enough. Because, trust me, everything you do is good enough and I swear to god you're the opposite of useless and I refuse to hear otherwise. Your happiness greatly influences my happiness and I hope you know that I'd sacrifice my happiness in order to make you feel happier.
Just like being happiness, I wouldn't be lying if I said there are times where you contribute greatly to the emotion of sadness for me - as I'm sure I do to you. Truthfully, you don't make me sad often and its usually other factors that make me sad but there is the odd time where you say something or do something and I get upset.
The thing you do regularly that makes me upset (its not even regular) is whenever I make you something. More often than not you'll point out the flaws in it before saying thank you or saying how much you love it. The biggest time I felt the most sadness from this was on your 16th birthday - I very much wanted to make sure it happened on midnight for you but my computer was lagging and as a result I didn't upload a few images to save time. When going over the gift I asked for your thoughts and you said "some of the images aren't uploaded" (obvi you didn't say that exactly but I'm not gonna go through our skype convo to find it xD) which honestly, for the brief like ten minutes of you not saying else afterwards, made me feel like all my hard work and emotions I poured into that gift were discounted just for the fact I didn't upload some models. As I said, this only happens when I make gifts and stuff that you seem to point out the flaws (I can get over you doing it when I link a char page coding) and I know I've told you about this before but just know it does hurt my feelings at times c:
The second time you've only made me really really really upset was during the time where you told me not to search for Mingyu gifs which, in my defence, I did stop but one gif came up on my dash and I had to use it bc bae af and I showed you and I can't remember the exact details but all I remember was that you essentially placed a gif above my feelings which made me both so upset and mad (but then in like 20 minutes it was all good bc ily and I can't stay mad at you for long cx).
A pseudo-third time was on NYE when I thanked you for being my best friend and stuff and I sorta hoped you'd do the same but you said you were in a bad mood so we'll forget about that cx (Though it did make me feel somewhat sad that the possibility that you don't feel the same is there but w/e)
I know you've told me multiple times that expressing your feelings isn't your strong point and sometimes you say things without thinking of the consequences and stuff and that's why, at the end of the day, I rarely take what you say to heart because I know there's a high chance you don't mean it. I don't remember where, but I once saw a thing that said that your best friend that gives you the most happiness will also cause you the most sadness and neither can happen without the other.
I guess I should have combined this with Sadness but I didn't sucks get over it. Admittedly a lot of what comes under this tab is written above but I'd like to say that you don't make me feel anger a lot of the time, but rather frustration. Which I know for a fact I make you feel so I can't say anything without evaluating how frustrating I can be and am.
The main source of my frustration towards you is when I'm asking you for an opinion on two gifs and you always say you're too busy when it literally takes less than a minute to do but you expect me to do it when you ask. While this isn't a big deal it just annoys me a little bit and I've told you countless times on how it annoys me so there's not a lot I can really say tbh.
This is one of emotions you're probably more acquainted with when it comes to me. I fear so much about our friendship and it comes from the whole prospect of you dropping me for someone better - someone who could be a better best friend to you because I'm not, I can't be; there's so many flaws with me that there has to be someone out there that you'd rather call your best friend than me. That's the honest reason why I say to stop in main, not because I have an issue with you talking in main, but because I'm completely terrified that talking to a user like Riri, Blue or whoever will result in you dropping me because they're all better.
That same fear is probably the reason why I don't say no often to you, or when I do I never go through with it and chicken out in the end, or why I do a lot to please you in some cases. It's all out of fear that any wrong move I make and then I lose the best person I've ever met. I guess that makes me a pushover but as clingy as it sounds (as well as creepy oops) I really don't want to, nor can't, lose you as a best friend. You've done so much for me and I'd honestly feel, whatever the circumstances, that if we were ever to stop talking I'd have not only lost the best friend ever, but also wasted our time as best friends because I do take it for granted whilst fearing it.
I know this emotion of fear makes me seem really unfair with some things (chat) but a pushover with others (models probably lmao) but I just value you as a friend so much that, in a selfish way, I don't want anyone else to have you. Of course we both know I'd never go to the extreme of not letting you communicate with someone without giving up the same privilege (Brocoli days woop woop) nor would I permanently prevent you from talking in chat but idk, I just value you and our friendship so much.
Pride & Thankfulness
I don't know if I've ever said this explicitly, but I'm really proud to call you my best friend and on the flipside I'm quite proud to say I'm your best friend. But the main focal is I do take a lot of pride in saying you're mine because you are, in my eyes and a lot of people, the perfect best friend. Even with anything that someone else could cite as a fault or a downside, you're the best best friend ever. If my parents had made the move to Ontario (we both know where I'd be moving to) I could see us being near enough inseparable seeing as we are on the wiki practically.
Seeing as I had two emotions I could put down that neither were big enough to make into separate headers, I'll be including thankfulness within this header also. You have no idea how thankful I am to be able to call you my best friend. You have no idea how thankful I am for everything you've done for me, good and bad. You've helped make me into the person that I am today and without you I don't think I could have half the confidence that I do, both on the wiki and in real life. I'm thankful that at the end of the day I have someone to go to that won't ever judge me and would always provide help no matter what the situation and that person is you. I know you don't like getting soppy that much but I really am incredibly lucky to have met you, it just sucks there's an ocean separating us. I could say so many more things about what you've done for me but you've helped me grow into a better person who doesn't doubt themselves continuously and who isn't always wondering if they're a good enough person (ik I doubt this for being a good best friend in my own right but everyone's a little harder on themselves). In short, I guess, thank you for being you and allowing me to be your best friend and for allowing yourself to be mine.
Six Little Messages...
Don't you ever give up, never - you can do it and you've proven to me on multiple occasions you can do anything you set your mind to.
Never, ever tell me you're useless, an inconvenience or anything of the sort. You're not - nobody is. (Tho js to me you're v useful and v much the opposite of an inconvenience.)
One day I will be close to your height and we can take v cute goals selfies together with our pale grey and blonde hair.
Without you I'm know I wouldn't smile as much or laugh as much as I do.
I would never, ever trade our friendship for anything in the world.
Finally, I'm so glad that out of all the people I could be a best friend with overseas, it was you.