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Melody's Training

Well personality, I've seen this method used before. So Imma try it. I found this old claim and you're gonna read it and point out any issues.

UPDATE: sorry for the delay, but i'll start you off with your 2nd claim in a sec..   Spiderman-Hydro-SigHydro   " We all have secrets. The ones we keep... and the ones that are kept from us."   00:20, September 18, 2014 (UTC)    20,620



Claim 1 (Done)

Claim 2

Name: ???

Gender: Female.

God Parent: First Choice: Poseidon Second Choice: Ares Third Choice: Apollo

Mortal Parent: Jennifer Monroe. (Insert char image here)

Appearance: She has cocoa colored skin ; long, dark, curly, wavy hair, and dark green eyes [ changes to brown when she’s angry, lighter green when she’s happy. ] She is the height of 5'8.

Personality: ??? is laid back but short-tempered. She’s extremely nice but when someone gets on her nerves she’s not afraid to snap on them. She’s extremely funny, but can be serious at times. She cares about everyone, even if she doesn’t like the person.. She’s very smart despite having dyslexia and ADHD. She the girl who’s not popular, but yet, is friends with almost everyone. She loves to eat, but never gains any weight because of her fast metabolism. She’s has a good shape, and is also athletic.

History:

Jennifer Monroe and [ god, hopefully Poseidon, ] go way back. Though they never officially met until the year before ??? was born, he was always watching her. Not like a stalker but more like an admirer. When she was depressed about how her ex-husband had left her with three children to take care of, he would send her gifts. Like at work she would receive a basket of her favorite roses, from the name of ‘Secret Admirer’ or maybe the best chocolates in the world. Months went by and presents were sent under the same name. Later, he finally showed himself. A god. SHY! Can you believe it? But, anyway she found him amazingly beautiful. He and his personality. So they dated and eventually had ???. While Jennifer was in with 7 months, [ god ] had left on an important trip and never came back leaving her heart-broken.

On May 11, ??? was born into a mediocre family in the city of Miami. She was the youngest of her two sisters and brother. When she turned twelve, she and her siblings, got into a brutal car accident. Her oldest sister, who wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, flew through the window and died instantly and her other sister died of blood-loss. She and her brother, Michael, were the only survivors. Their mother went into extreme shock and was never the same. She would scream at them, insult them, abuse them, and would make them feel unwanted. A year later, ??? and Michael ran away to the nearest foster home. In that foster home, she and Michael were bullied severely, which lead Michael into killing himself.

When ??? was also near the edge she decided to run away. She grabbed her bag and stuffed it with everything she needed, plus a hundred dollars she snatched from the emergency jar her foster parents kept in the kitchen and left silently. Something influenced her to go North ( her father ) and so she did. Days later, on the way to a train station, she passed by an outdoor market and bargained for a some new clothes. Surprisingly, the lady gave her everything she needed for free. ‘Here,’ the lady said ‘ a ring… for good luck. Twist it whenever you’re in trouble.’ ??? thanked the lady and slid it in her pinky.

She kept going North and encountered a cyclops. He mentioned a whole bunch of crazy things about demigods, before he charged. ??? panicked and twisted the ring. She was surprised when it turned into a sword. She slashed at the cyclops and it disintegrated into dust.

She encountered a large amount of monsters before reaching Half-Blood hill. There she fought another cyclops, apparently the older brother of her firstmonster. He was larger and had a scary sword dripping with poison. So, she did the natural thing. She twisted her ring and charged. He flicked her away like a fly and she slammed into a tree. Her vision was blurry, and the world was spinning. She stood up and her legs felt like water. She stumbled behind the tree and tried to hide. The monster laughed and approached but, when he tried he couldn’t get to her. It was like an invisible wall.??? saw an opportunity while the cyclopes banged on the invisible force field, she slashed at his legs and the monster disintegrated. She yelped in pain. Finally feeling the poison that had somehow gotten on her leg. She blinked back tears and trudged towards a big blue house barely looking at her surroundings. She reached the porch before finally passing out.

( sorry if its long. =/ )

Weapons: A Celestial Bronze sword, disguised as a golden ring. The name of the sword is Diaforetikos Greek for Different.

(Insert user's sig here)

Comments

okay like last time, I removed the char's name, pic and the user's sig. So you'll have to check the first version of this claim and cannot cheat :P

  Spiderman-Hydro-SigHydro   " We all have secrets. The ones we keep... and the ones that are kept from us."   00:39, September 18, 2014 (UTC)    20,620

How did Poseidon discover Jennifer in the first place? And did Jennifer find out he was a god or not? Please specify if it was revealed later on or before and how Jennifer reacted. I understand why ??? and Michael would run away to a foster home, but it's not like the foster home would take them in right away. They would have to talk to Jennifer first, etc. etc., so the detail of them just running away to a foster home without any clarification on what happened to Jennifer is rather unrealistic. How did Poseidon influence her to go North? A dream? He can't just tell her to go North-direct contact with their children is pretty much forbidden, especially for a god of the Big Three. So specify how exactly Poseidon influenced ??? to go North and why. Also, was the woman a goddess? Demigod? A regular mortal woman wouldn't just give ??? everything for free plus a weapon-please specify exactly who the woman is and why she helped ???. What kind of crazy things did the cyclops mention? And a cyclops is not an easy monster-it's unlikely ??? would have been able to solo one especially without any real training. How did the poison just coincidentally get on her leg? Also, can you include when/where ??? found out she was a demigod? After she woke up? If so, please specify. Come with me.Shademoonsig1Love.Airplanepng

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