You all asked me how I was doing and told me that I should seek help. And after the way I felt tonight I know now I have no choice. I can't keep feeling broken every time I see him and fall apart when he is near. So I am going to take myself to a hospital and place myself inside a psych eval situation before I return and prepare to move away from my current home to escape the memories to try and recover and mend. Unfortunately, I can say with certainty, I will always love him even if it was only me feeling it. But some day I will recover and be able to return to my home and face him again and tell him what he did to me and how he broke me. But until then I would appreciate your continued support as I find a new way to live. Thank you for your time if you took it to read this.